When explaining more stops working — and what to do instead
Communicating and Dementia
Communicating with someone with dementia can be difficult, especially when familiar approaches no longer work. This guide explains why communication breaks down — and what actually works in real-life situations.
Explore our Practical Guide for Everyday Situations
You explain.
You repeat.
You try to stay calm.
And still, something doesn’t work.
They hesitate.
They say no.
They become confused — or withdraw.
And you’re left thinking:
“What am I doing wrong?”
You’re not doing it wrong
You’re doing what works —
for a healthy brain.
But dementia changes something fundamental.
Not just memory.
But how the brain handles:
- information
- timing
- stress
- interaction
Which means:
The same communication that used to help
can now create resistance
Why this feels so difficult
Most people try to solve these situations by:
- explaining more
- repeating more clearly
- being more structured
- being more firm
It makes sense.
But here’s the problem:
When the brain cannot process more — more becomes overload
And overload looks like:
- “refusal”
- “resistance”
- “aggression”
- “not cooperating”
But it’s not that simple.
What is actually happening
In many situations, the person is not refusing.
They are trying to cope.
The situation is too fast
Too complex
Or too unclear
So the nervous system reacts.
Not with logic.
But with protection.
A different way to approach it
What if the goal is not:
❌ to explain better
❌ to convince
❌ to get through the task
But instead:
to make the situation manageable
This is what this series gives you
This is not a theory-based guide.
It is built around one question:
What do I do — in the moment?
You will learn how to handle real situations like:
- when someone says no
- repeated questions
- confusion and misunderstandings
- daily care (dressing, hygiene, eating)
- anger and emotional reactions
With clear, practical guidance.
A Simple Dementia Communication Framework
Across all situations, one structure repeats:
Connect → Follow → Guide → Support → Adjust
This means:
- create contact first
- meet the person where they are
- guide one small step
- support the action
- adjust continuously
Simple.
But powerful.
What changes when you use this approach
You may start to notice:
- less resistance
- calmer situations
- more cooperation
- better moments together
Not because the person changes.
But because the situation fits them better
Who this is for
This series is written for:
- family caregivers
- healthcare professionals
- anyone supporting a person with dementia
No prior knowledge needed.
Only real-life situations.
Start here (free articles)
If this is new to you, begin with:
- What Is Functional Supportive Communication in Dementia
- Why People with Dementia Resist Care
- The Hidden Rules of Communication
- The Most Common Communication Mistakes
These give you the foundation.
If you want practical, step-by-step guidance
The full series goes further.
This is where you learn:
exactly what to do
exactly how to respond
exactly how to adjust in real situations
One thing to remember
When communication works, everything changes.
Not perfectly.
Not every time.
But often enough to make everyday life easier.
A simple way to think about it
- Less words
- Slower pace
- Simpler steps
- Do it together
If you recognize yourself in this
If you’ve felt:
- “Why isn’t this working?”
- “Why do they resist?”
- “Why does everything become so difficult?”
Then this series is for you.
Want more practical, step-by-step guidance?
Explore the full Dementia Guide here
This article was originally published on Substack.
Read the full series on Substack
Frequently Asked Questions
How should you communicate with someone with dementia?
By using fewer words, slowing down, and guiding one step at a time.
Why do dementia patients resist communication?
Because the brain struggles to process information, which can lead to overload and stress responses.